Police - Blogoff Round 2

"Open up! It's the pi-igs!"

One of my favourite episodes of The Young Ones is Cash, when Rik, Mike and Vyvyan make hippie Neil get a job to support the household, so he becomes a policeman complete with baton and walkie talkie. He is called to bust a party at his friends' house and the scene where he knocks on the door, calling out 'Open up! It's the pi-igs!' and then half-heartedly raids the place, while warning his friends to flush their stash still makes me giggle now.



I had a run in with the police when I was nineteen. I jumped into the neighbour's pool at nine o'clock on a sultry summer evening and the sticky beaks across the road called the cops. I had permission to used the pool while my neighbours were away. But I guess that permission did not extend to my numerous friends at night. So the police turned up and asked us to vacate the pool but my then-boyfriend (who was much older) gave them a bit of lip, so they asked him for i.d and gave him the third degree.



It's funy how portrayals of police on television can influence your expectations. One evening I was home alone when I saw the police walking up my driveway. My partner was away interstate, so I immeicatly thought the worst -- that the police were coming to inform me that he'd had an accident. But no -- they were looking for the guy who lived next door, because he'd been up to no good. I was more relieved to know that my partner was okay than to worry about living next door to a potential fugitive.



One night I was delivering pizzas, and was pulled over for a breath test.
'Have you had a drink today?' asked the young constable.
'I'm working,' I replied. 'I don't drink while I'm working. What about you?'
(hah, I was a bit cheeky in my youth)
'No, I don't,' he said, and promptly breathalysed himself to prove it.
'Now it's your turn,' he said, after he replaced the pipe.
Lucky I was telling the truth!

This is Round 2 of the Blog-off organised by Courtney of Five Second Dance Party. Last week, we sadly saw Super Duper Fantastic and Motivated Motion eliminated. If you would like to make a donation to the cause, click on the link.

The MP3 Oracle

I found this one surfing Blog Explosion at Gritoland.

Turn your MP3 or Ipod on. Choose all your music and turn the player on random. (I don't know about you, but I always have my MP3 on random). Press forward to each question and use the song title to answer each question with your own comments added.

So this is my MP3 oracle:

1.How are you feeling today?
I need a Man - (Eurythmics)
Whoah!

2. Will you get far in life?
I Can't Stand the Way he says your name. (Chris Wilson)
Mmm, maybe not if I'm going to be jealous and judgemental.

3. How do your friends see you?
What about Me? - (Moving Pictures)
It isn't Fair, I've had enough now I want my share! Um, selfish bunch, aren't they?

4.Will you get married?
Whispering Your Name - (Alison Moyet)

No, I don't quite get the connection. Why would I be whispering? I thought we were supposed to speak vows. Not whisper.

5. What is your best friend’s theme song?
Face in the Mirror ....tells me I'm doing fine (Chris Wilson)


6. What is the story of your life?
What's Going On - (4 Non Blondes)

Yeah, this is pretty apt. I'm always wondering what's going on.

7. What was high school like?
Sweet Incarnadine - (Jane Siberry)
???????????
'the open sesame of a kiss' - although that wasn't with a high school guy

8.How can you get ahead in life?
Love Games - (bluehouse)

Playing love games didn't really get me ahead in life. It just brought me heartache so I think I'll pass on that bit of advice and draw a rune or a tarot card instead.

9.What is the best thing about your friends?
Magic - (Olivia Newton John)
...have to believe...

10. What is in store for this weekend?
Last Name - bluehouse
'By the way, I forgot to ask your last name. '
No, I don't think a one-night stand with a stranger is on the agenda but then again, number one was 'I need a man'!

11. To describe your grandparents?
Emptiness - (bluehouse) so much for shuffle)

Perhaps because all my grandparents have passed away.
'Maybe a good cry is all I really need. The emptiness of needing you.'

12. How is your life going?
The Angel and the Madman (Moving Pictures)
Angelic but crazy?

13. What song will they play at your funeral?
Bow River - (Cold Chisel)
Maybe Bow River is heaven.

14. How does the world see you?
Physical (Olivia)
Definitely not, I'm not an exercise person.
This is just getting silly now.

15. Will you have a happy life?
Desperado...waiting on a tram. (Chris Wilson)
I could be waiting for a long time, there are no trams here.

16. What do your friends really think of you?
Janelle (cold chisel)
what they think my name is Janelle? I've been called lots of names, not Janelle.

17. Do people secretly lust after you?
Hymn to Her (Pretenders)
- well they must then. "Let me inside you!'

18. How can I make myself happy?
(how come we changed to the first person????)
Bustin' Loose - Moving Pictures

So I should get stoned, drink, go all the way, be a crazy poet and a beauty queen? Maybe there's other ways to bust loose

19. What should you do with your life?
I Carry you with me (Heather Nova)

Carry who? Can't you walk?

20. Will you ever have children?
I believe (Marcelle Detroit)....not...


21. What song would you strip to?
Out of My mind (marcelle Detroit)
Um, it's a bit slow, but I suppose a slow strip could work.

22. If a man in a van offered you candy, what would you do?
I Want it All (Eurythmics)
Me, greedy? Never! But maybe it's a Cadbury van!

23. What does your mum think of you?
Janelle (cold chisel)
WTF? My mother thinks I'm Janelle too? is there something someone hasn't told me? am I adopted? And why does my MP3 repeat a song within 7 songs??????

24. What is your deep dark secret?
Brand New Day (Eurythmics)
Maybe my deep dark secret is my love of the Eurythmics???
'I won't be sad. I won't be destroyed.'

25. What is your mortal enemy’s theme song?
Some Girls (Racey)

!!!! 26. What’s your personality like?
When Tomorrow Comes (Eurythmics)
Okay, I've been busted. I'm a procrastinator. Like Scarlett O'Hara, I'll think about it tomorrow. Is this what this song is trying to tell me?

27. Which song will be played at your wedding?
Hymn to Her (again???)


So that's the oracle. It's fun playing, although I think I'd like to change some of the questions. Get a bit more specific, maybe adapt a tarot spread - the 12 house astrological spread could work well. I shall give it some thought.

And as for the song to be played at the wedding, the next song that played after 'Hymn to Her' was 'Shoot out at the Seven Eleven'. I guess that must be the honeymoon. I better cancel the wedding!

So if you choose to play the MP3 Oracle, leave a link in the comments so I can read your oracle. Have fun!

Finally a day at home

Much as I love going away with my friends from the Writers Group, it was such a pleasure to spend the day at home today. It's the first day at home I've had for two weeks. Much needed. And appreciated. I watched The Chronicles of Narnia, Love My Way (why oh why did Foxtel decide to rush through the season by screening double episodes), scanned photos and updated blogs.

But now I have five days of work and then I'm off for ten days straight including the Easter break. The first five days will be spent at home, then a couple of days will be spent with dad over easter, and then another day at home. I'm looking forward to some solid editing time over those five days.n bbbbm bbbbbb (if you're wondering about the sanity of that last sentence - it's a statement from Dorkus the cat as he walked across the keyboard. He doesn't like me going away either so I'll whisper about the plans for Easter.)

I've spent the last week at work throwing out lots of stuff. I can't believe how much I'd managed to accumulate over 7 years. But as of Monday, I'm a virtual person with no permanent desk. All my Egyptian artefacts went home. All my photos, my Nanowrimo winners certificates, the pics of me and Alex from Moving Pictures, the flower calendar from last year which was no longer functional but looked pretty, the magazines I'd been cutting up, all have migrated home. And then I culled all the information, brochures, training material so that I could fit everything into one chest of drawers. It's going to be strange not having my own desk, and moving every week or so as I need to.

On Friday evening I went to a farewell for a work friend who is moving to Brisbane. Sometimes, it feels that my workplace is a transit lounge, there are so many people moving on, sometimes within the organisation and others out of the organisation. I've lost count of the number of people that I've bid farewell to over the years.

Speaking of bidding farewell, we are saying farewell to Motivated Motion and Super Duper Fantastic in the blog-off as they had the lowest points after all the votes were tallied. I found writing my piece easy but ranking every one else's contribution was excrutiating and I'm sure it will get harder as we get more into the competition. Personally, I wouldn't mind if we all kept writing for 16 weeks and had no winner, and just donated the whole lot of the money to Breast Cancer. But that's probably just me. The next topic is 'Police' and I have no idea what I will be writing for that one.

And it seems that I haven't had any visits from people looking for porn sites since my Blog-off post. I'm sure they'll be around some time, they just haven't linked the terms together as yet.

Laughter - Blogoff Post # 1

My mother knew how to laugh. Big belly laughs that could rock a whole row of cinema seats. Her chuckles were like a minor earthquake, measuring on the Richter scale.

I miss my mother so much. I miss her wicked sense of humour, her smile and her laugh. I'm ashamed that I was so embarrassed by her as a teenager because now I can think of no happier sound than my mother's laughter. Mum enjoyed and loved life, and wanted to share that enjoyment with everyone: check-out chicks, the neighbours she bumped into down the street, the cats, the dogs, the cockatoo and especially her family.

Mum didn't learn to drive until I was 13 years old. But once she gained her licence and her independence, there was no holding her back. She loved driving, deliberately weaving or kangaroo hopping down a quiet street - just for fun - and she relished the opportuniity to get lost, take the long way round and discover new places along the way.

Driving gave her the opportunity to try new things. She took up cooking classes and prepared culinary banquests in several cuisines. She took oil painting lessons for a few years but she found her talent in cake decorating, churning out wedding cakes, christening cakes, cakes for any occasion.

For Dad's 50th birthday, she made a pick-up truck cake with a 'load of hot cock' because that was one of his favourite sayings at the time. The tray was filled with chocolate penises, and a pair symbolised the wipers. The sight of the cake was a catalyst of laughter for the party guests and this photo is a permanent reminder of my mum's wicked sense of humour.


So now in my first blog-off post for boobs, I've mentioned breasts and hot cocks, so I guess I'll get a few hits from the raincoat brigade. So while you're here, gentlemen, show your appreciation for the female body and follow the link to make a donation for breast cancer research!

The Blog Off starts tomorrow

I'm back from the retreat and the result of taking my SLR camera means that I hardly took any digital photos. So posting of photos willl have to wait.

We had a fabulous, relaxing and creative weekend. The weather was stunning on Friday and Saturday, although overcast on Sunday morning. Maggie had a visit from a ghost named Fred on Friday night and swapped cottages the next night. We ended up with eight more 'Pass-the-Stories', I read my first monologue for the Monologue Project, and we exercised our writing muscles in all three workshops.

We wrote a five page letter to Jen, who is pining for us in Melbourne, and after telling her in the letter that I had not taken any collage stuff (words nor magazines) to the retreat, I discovered an envelope of words in the side pocket of my suitcase. They have been in there since my trip to Adelaide. And so I made Jen a collage to accompany the letter. It is always incredible in collage poetry that the perfect words are available at just the right time. Will post this to the blog early next week.

In the meantime, the Blog-off is about to start, and I have blogrolled all the participants on my sidebar. The first topic is LAUGHTER and the blog post will be up on Wednesday. As this is a fundraiser for breast cancer, I have used the first topic as a catalyst to write about my mother, who fought hard and long against the disease.

I better go - I need to find the photos to accompany the LAUGHTER post.

The Annual Writers Retreat

It's back to the Lighthouse tomorrow for our annual Writers Retreat. (well, at least I hope the fact that this is Number 2 means that it will be an annual event!)

We had such a great time last year! I've been looking forward to this weekend for a long time. The scenery is gorgeous, the company is superb, and I don't have to drive too far to make my escape! (2 hours each way)

Although all these shots from last year were taken with my trusty little Kodak Easyshare digital, I'm taking the film SLR camera as well this time. I'm hoping I can get some more shots like this friendly kookaburra, and some great landscapes. Much as I love the instant gratification of the digital, the shutter takes a long time to activate, and sometimes I miss the bit I wanted to shoot. So the Canon SLR is loaded with film, with a couple of spare rolls and I will try and do some nature walks over the weekend and get some special sunrise and sunset shots.

I expect this year's retreat will have a totally different flavour to last year's because it will be a different mix of people. Last year there was me, Carol, Roby, Lisa, Jen, Markus, Rose, Marilyn, Sue S and Sue M.

This year Jen (below) has moved to Melbourne (we will miss you Jen!), Sue M is climbing Everest for the second time (because the first time wasn't enough) and we won't even have a token male to outnumber in our discussions.

Carol, Roby,Lisa and I will still be there but we will be joind by five NEW members of the writers' group which is very exciting. Lisa is cooking an Indian banquet on Saturday night, and we all have to dress up for the occasion and we will have a series of workshops over the weekend including Writing Fiction from Real Life Stories and Writing Life Stories. I will be giving a workshop on using Astrology to write fictional characters.

I'll be back to report on the weekend on Sunday night!

Cinderella wins a prize

Hey! Where did February go?

Oh, that's right - short month! It always throws me off.

I've got good news. It must be official because I received the cheque in the mail yesterday. $150 - 2nd prize in a short story competition. Cinderella has done me proud. But don't think that's the end of it! That was the 1800 w0rd version. The 3000 word plus version is still out there. Cindy's got a mind of her own, as well as her shoe fetish, and she's got her sights set on world domination.

Actually, I'm really glad there was a second prize. There was a time in my life when I was job-hunting and I always coming in as the runner-up. 2nd out of 150 applicants is no comfort when there's only job being offered. Glad that part of my life has passed.

I will be entering another competition - this is a Blog-off organised by Courtney at Five Second Dance Party. It will be a survivor-style competition. Entrants blog on a submitted topic and then vote on the best blog. Least number of votes and you're eliminated from the next round. Funds are being raised for breast cancer. Interested? Then head over to Courtney's blog to get all the details.

I'm getting tired of cooking for one again. So last night, I cooked for 4. 4 Tandoori chicken fillets. I was the envy of everyone in the lunch room today when they could smell my lunch heating up. And guess what I'm having for dinner tonight?

Speaking of Tandoori, we will be having a Indian feast at our writing retreat and the dress code is exotic. So I went looking for my gold snake bracelet, and in the process, I decided to completely empty my jewellery box. Behind the drawers I found jewellery that had become entwined in the music box mechanism including an amber heart from Russia, which I truly thought I had lost years ago. Unfortunately, this search did not also turn up my missing Ab Fab and Being John Malkovich DVD's.

Okay - back to the editing!